Short Jokes

Danny: Miss would you yell at me for doing something I didn't do?

Teacher: No.

Danny: Good, because I didn't do my homework!

There was a really dumb girl and her friend walking down the street. The friend said, "Look! There's a dead bird!" The really dumb girl looked up and asked. "Where?"

One day 3 men caught a mermaid. The mermaid said I will give you one wish each if you let me go.

The first man said I want to be 40 % smarter. So she made him 40% smarter.

The second man said I want to be 60 % smarter. So she made him 60% smarter.

The third man said I want to be 100 % smarter. She said to him, "Are you

sure your want to be 100 % smarter because you might feel a little bit different."

He replied, "I don't care."

So she turned him into a woman!

There were three guys and a dragon . The dragon said, "I am going to eat you.

The first guy said, "No, let's make a deal."

The dragon said ,"O.K. what kind of deal?"

The second guy said, "If we each tell you something that we think you can't do, and you can do all of it, you may eat us." The dragon agreed to the deal.

So the first guy said, "Go to the barn, eat 16 rooms of hay,". The dragon did it.

The second guy said, "Drink half of the ocean water." The dragon succeeded in doing this, also.

The third guy burped, and said, "Catch it and paint it green."

The three guys lived happily ever after!

Shirley: I hope we get our keys out of our locked convertible soon.

Laverne: Me too. I've been trying to get the window open with this coat hanger for the past hour.

Shirley: Well hurry, it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down.

A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, I need your help.

My husband thinks he is a refrigerator."

"That's not so bad," the doctor said, "it's a harmless complex."

"Maybe so," said the woman, "but he sleeps with his mouth open and it keeps me awake."

I am sad to report that today the writer of the Hokey Pokey died today.

His funeral was very sad. The saddest part was putting him in his casket. They

put his left arm, they put his right arm in, and well, you know the rest...

A frog walked into a bank and went to talk to a loan officer named Patty. The

frog said, 'I would like a loan.'

Patty said, 'Well, sir, we can't give you a loan.'

'Why not?' asked the frog.

'Well,' said Patty, 'You're a frog.'

'I'd like to see the President of the Bank,' said the frog.

So Patty went and got the President. 'What seems to be the problem?' asked

the President.

'This woman says I can't have a loan because I'm a frog.'

'Well, do you have collateral?' asked the President.

The frog pulled a small glass elephant out of his

pocket. 'What is that!?' exclaimed Patty.

The President says, 'It's a knick-knack, Patty.'

Whack!!! 'Give the frog a loan.'

Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to have a competition. While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it before it hit the ground. So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground. Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground. Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch. "How did you do that?" asked the Irishman. "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!" replied the Australian.

DETECTIVE: "I'm sorry, mam, but I have to bring you in for driving 90 miles an hour."

MAM: "But sir, that's impossible, I've only been driving for ten minutes at the most."

Janet: "Excuse me, waiter, is there spaghetti on the menu?"

Waiter: "No, madam, I wiped it off."

Actress: Have you ever seen me on T.V.?

Fan: On and off.

Actress: How did you like me?

Fan: Off.

Cindy: Today we had a spelling bee and Nobody( a person) could spell it.

Mom Dad: Why couldn't nobody (as in nobody at all) spell it?

Cindy: Because Nobody ( the person) Was smart!

Dad Mom: Huh?!

Cowboy: Say, why did you buy that dachshund?

City Guy: I heard someone say,"Get a long, little doggy!"

Sara: Where's a cow's favorite place to go?

Ben: Where?

Sara: The moovies, of course!