One Liners

Humorous Camping Jokes

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.

Always carry a deck of cards when you take a hike in unfamiliar territory. If you find yourself lost and alone, simply sit down, begin to play a game of solitaire and someone will soon come along to reach in and place the red nine on the black ten. Happens every time.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.

Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.

Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.

Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.

You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.

You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

You'll never be awakened by the call of a loon if you have an unlisted number.

You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.

When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.